15 years of experience has taught me: self knowledge is the best tool you can have
What’s my story?
I’m a kinky, queer, poly relationship-artist who loves helping others find their way through relational tangles and moments of shift.
& I worked hard to get here.
I’m passionate about this work not because I have it all figured out, but because I’ve made big mistakes and learned from them, and I continue to learn all the time. I know what it’s like to make missteps and suffer loss. I lean on my experiences and my lifelong study of relationships to help others navigate tricky situations (and let’s be honest, most of them are tricky).
I started early adulthood with a chain of serially-monogamous relationships, always feeling like there must be something else out there, not knowing what it was.
When I learned that polyamory was a thing, it felt like a homecoming.
But I had a long road ahead.
I spent the next fifteen years trying out many different polyamorous, ethically non-monogamous (ENM), and even consciously-monogamous configurations, making mistakes and learning as I went. I had never heard of a coach in those early days. Instead, I read books, listened to podcasts, and talked to therapists and friends.
I learned a lot about jealousy, insecurity, codependency, and attachment.
I have been on every side of the new-to-ENM equation: the one who wants to open up and explore while my partner is unsure or not ready; the partner who doesn’t want my partner to explore or date other people; and the person dating someone in a newly-opened long-term relationship. I have opened up relationships for the wrong reasons and in ways that were messy. I have opened up relationships for the right reasons and faced challenges nonetheless. I’ve had beautiful and thriving open relationships. I have had multiple partners for years at a time.
When I began working with others around these topics, I learned that a lot of my own experiences followed common patterns. I saw how I could use my experiences and mistakes to guide others in more skillful approaches.
Because of my own experiences, I find myself able to hold a compassionate and non-judgmental space for others.
I believe that there is no right way to style a relationship.
It’s okay to decide that an open/polyamorous relationship is not right for you, or not right for you right now. You can identify as poly and be in a closed partnership. Being poly or open can look a thousand different ways, if you approach creatively. The work is, to consciously create what works for you right now, and that’s what I love helping people do.
Your relationship to partnership and sex is not separate from the rest of your life.
Whatever else you have going on in your life—caring for ageing parents, parenting/caretaking children, tending your work/career life, activism, community and friendships—all of these are part of who you are in this moment. Although I specialize in sex and relationship coaching, any of these topics are welcome in our sessions. We will go wherever feels most helpful to you. Sometimes the path through a difficult moment lies somewhere completely unexpected.
I am a certified coach through the ICF-accredited Interactualizer 70-hour coach training.
I am an animist, Jewish, spiritually-devoted nerd and my work is informed by my love of my ancestors, astrology, myth, systems thinking, and intact cultural wisdoms. I lean on the work of my coaching mentor, Rod Francis, as well as carrying deep in me the work of my teacher, Martín Prechtel, and that of many others, including: adrienne maree brown, Báyò Akómoláfé, Joanna Macy, Esther Perel, Josh Schrei, Malidoma Somé, Sophie Strand, and Nora Bateson.
Come and let’s work together.
There is so much beauty and aliveness waiting for you.
